


Painful Shadows in The Shallows

by DeadManWalked



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fire Fam - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, hurt!buck, it gets better in the next part i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21520699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadManWalked/pseuds/DeadManWalked
Summary: Buck couldn’t figure out how he could possibly explain to the kid that he couldn’t. That he wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting, that he was tired and the darkness of the pain was unbearably alluring. But he knew that it didn’t matter in that moment what he wanted, all that mattered was protecting his universe.(A more heartbreaking writing of the tsunami and it’s aftermath, with the blossoming hope that comes only with the force of a tidal wave)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 27
Kudos: 666





	1. Breaching the Surface

**Author's Note:**

> I’m having major writers block with my other stories so I thought I should experiment with something else for the time being. I’m currently obsessed with this show, especially Buddie. I’ve read so much inspiring fanfic and thought I’d give it a shot! Feedback is welcome and appreciated.

You know that overwhelming sensation when you’re in-between a state of utter brokenness and complete emptiness? When there’s burning of hot tears behind your eyes that are stopped by some invisible barrier before they can approach the surface and escape. There’s a hand with a vice grip on your heart, squeezing subtly enough to slow it down but not enough to stop it. Your lungs seem to cave in on themselves and breathing seems more forced, perhaps more painful.

That feeling when you’re standing on the invisible edge of the world and looking at everything without truly seeing anything. You just feel so much that you’re numb but sensitive to the rawness of reality. Of life. You look down and you see the tips of your feet hovering in the emptiness before you, a reminder that one small step forward is all it would take to fall.

That’s what Buck has been feeling since the moment the bomb exploded and his life was uprooted. Since the white hot pain of a ladder truck cracking every bone in his lower leg became that only feeling he knew, almost as if that pain had the power to erase the memory of joy completely. The feeling he’s had since his agonizing screams that seemed to go on for years, scratching his throat raw with the sheer intensity.

Then this feeling became a dull throb, hammering in the back of his heart as a shadow. Not gone, never gone he knew, but hidden deep enough that he could find a potential for hope again. A potential that rose each day of physical therapy, each day that his best friend would hold him as he cried in unbearable pain, and each day that he worked back towards getting back what he lost. The lost hope, the lost family he spent so long building, and the lost desire for more.

More than friendship. More than enough. More than pain.

The shadowing throb didn’t breach from behind his chest when the blood did. Not when the coppery metallic flooded from his lung and forced itself out even when he wanted nothing more than for it to never be there. No, the embolism wasn’t what brought this pain back. It intensified slightly enough for Buck to lose himself in the darkness for a moment, but he never met that ledge.

Not until the water swept the world from under his feet and stole his most prized possession from his hands. The salt tore his throat to shreds as he became lost in the cold darkness and inhaled in the confusion. Water and air and land all became a jumbled mess as he fought to remember which was up and down and where. Where was his boy, where was his Christopher. In those moments life became painfully simple as his brain focused on one thing. Only one thing in the entire universe mattered in this moment.

Not the pain or the salt or falling off the edge. Only his desperate need to find the most precious thing in his world. Christopher. He barely noticed when his head breached the surface and the oxygen replaced the water in his lungs. He wasn’t aware of his own existence until that voice, so scared but strong, cried out his name. Suddenly the water and pain and hopelessness faded to the background and all he could hear was his own name falling from the lips of the boy he loved more than anything.

When his hands clasped around the small boy, he felt more relief than he thought possible. More determination and fight than he ever bore before. All that mattered, perhaps all that would ever matter again, was keeping Christopher safe. Keeping his boy safe. He held the child so tight that it probably hurt, but neither one of them could find it in themselves to loosen their grip.

Evan Buckley was never a man to believe in god or religion, but he found himself thanking the lord when his eyes settled on the red of the fire truck. The first sign of a safe haven, a place that he can put the small boy to protect from the harshness of gods wrath. So he swam and fought harder than humanly possible until he could lift the child from his arms and above the surface for the first time in centuries.

Then, the water began to be pulled back in the opposite direction as if suddenly remembering it didn’t belong here. The boy above him cried out in fear, and the man forced himself to grip the trucks railing as tight as he could. He grunted and shouted out in pain as the debris forced itself in or by him, unrelenting in its determination to move. The pain of the cuts and bruises and objects impaling him was worse than even an entire truck falling on him was. The only reason he held on and didn’t let himself succumb to the tide was the small scared boy on the other side looking down into his eyes as if he was his everything. A boy he loved and needed to keep safe, that he would always keep safe.

Only when the rush stopped and decided it was satisfied for the moment, did that shadow take the chance to grow. It blacked out the young mans eyes as a heart gutting pain settled over his entire being. He still held on despite no longer needing too due to his fear that if he let go he wouldn’t find the fight inside to get up. To live. He could feel the heat of his own blood as it drips down his legs, his chest, his back, his everything. God, he wanted more than everything to just beg for someone to stop it all. To push his frozen body over the ledge and let the pain end.

“Bucky?” A soft voice whispered fearfully from above him, sucking him back to reality as his eyes meet those of the boy he fought so hard for in the first place.

He tried to speak, to reassure the child that he was okay and everything was going to be alright. But as he opened his mouth he found himself unable to do more than breath. The boys small hand reached out and softly touched his face, an action so warming that it made the blood pale in comparison.

“You gotta get up, Bucky,” the boy whispered, trying to hold back his tears to be strong for his hero. “In case more water comes, right?”

Buck couldn’t figure out how he could possibly explain to the kid that he couldn’t. That he wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting, that he was tired and the darkness of the pain was unbearably alluring. But he knew that it didn’t matter in that moment what he wanted, all that mattered was protecting his universe. Protecting his boy. So, under some unknown gifted power, he managed to pull himself on top of the truck without screaming as terribly as he wished.

He collapsed in a heap of hurt, vision temporarily blurred with his own tears before resettling on the crying boy. Buck was desperate to comfort the child so he forced his hand up and pulled the boy down to lay with him. Christopher allowed himself to lay on his Buck, though he was trying to force himself to look away from the scratched and blood coming from the other man. He knew that he needed to be strong for his Buck like the man had been for him.

“You okay?” Buck forced himself to ask, knowing he was too weak to look the boy over himself. He never hated himself more so than in that moment.

“I’m okay,” Chris confirmed, “You protected me, Bucky.”

“I’m,” Buck winced as the pain everywhere intensified, “Sorry bud.”

“I love you,” Christopher told him softly but genuinely.

Buck tried his best to say it back, to scream it out, but he suddenly couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t feel anything. The burning behind his eyes disappeared, the hand around his heart let go, and his lungs seemed to disappear as a whole. He couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair that now would be his time, that the world was cruel enough to take away everything like he’d been begging for for months just as he was about to say goodbye to the person he loved most in the world.

That was his biggest regret. Not being able to tell Christopher or Maddie or Eddie that he loved them one last time. Or, in some cases, for the first time.

Chris started crying the second Buck’s eyes had closed, trying his best to wake the other man up. His attempts stopped only when he laid his head against the mans chest and heard the soft thumping of his heart. He stayed there a while, afraid that the second he pulled away then that thumping could stop for good. It was only when he noticed how much blood had gathered around them that he knew he needed to be a big boy and try to help his Buck before his dad found them.

So he asked himself, what would Buck do? What would Superman do? He remembered the lessons his dad gave him and the movies he’d watch. He knew that he had to put cloth on the wounds to try and stop the bleeding. He frantically looked around and saw a few stray towels and uniforms on the other edge of the truck. He carefully crawled over and grabbed them before moving back, draping most of them over the mans stomach. He laid half of himself over them, to keep pressure. Then, his own eyes growing heavy, he rested his head back onto his hero’s chest and waited for his dad.

Eddie Diaz hadn’t had the opportunity to check his phone since the short attempt to call his best friend and son after the first wave hit. He hadn’t realized that only moments later did Buck’s message to update him on taking Chris to the Pier rather than the movies send through. A message Buck had sent half an hour before the first wave and he himself hadn’t realized didn’t send immediately. Which is why when Eddie finally had an opportunity to check his phone again as they arrived to the emergency care tents did his heart plummet to his stomach. 

The picture of his boys holding the large teddy bear after their victory would on any other day have warmed his whole being, but only now made him feel as if his entire existence was ok the brink of death. His breath caught in his throat and he choked out a horrible sob, catching the attention of the 118. They turned to him in complete confusion, asking what was wrong unaware that he couldn’t even comprehend them.

It was Bobby who took the phone from his hands and looked to see, then that same shock crashed into him like a fright train. He forced himself to regain his composure, though even he couldn’t stop the trembling of his hands as he saw the man he saw as a son standing on a pier that only hours ago was destroyed by a tidal wave. He forced himself to speak, swallowing the shake in his voice as much as possible as he showed the others the picture.

“Buck and Chris were on the pier when the wave hit,” Bobby told them, heart pulling as he watched the horror settle onto their faces. “We need to keep it together. We need to force back our own fear and focus on them, they need us right now. So do not—Diaz look at me—do not shut down. Not now, not while they’re still possibly out there.”

Hen and Chimney quickly swallowed their cries and wiped their tears, knowing that their captain was right. Eddie had forced his ear to work again and managed a nod of acknowledgement, though his body shook violently and his mind was pulled in dozens of directions at once. All directions that led back to Buck and Christopher, which was usually the case for the man. Only now he was terrified.

“Hen, you go to every tent here and look for our boys. Check with every unit in contact and see if they’ve picked up anyone matching their description. If you can’t find them here, you find a way to go to every damn hospital in the city if you have to. Stay on our line for any updates.”

Hen took a deep breath and wiped the warm tears off her cold face and nodded, not trusting herself to speak without crumbling. She looked at her family once more before running off to the closest set up, each step giving her as much determination as it did fear. Bobby turned to Chimney and clapped his shoulder, “You get in contact with Maddie. She...she should know. Once you do that you see if she can find them on her end and you join the 227th to go back out in the opposite direction and keep an eye out.”

Bobby turned to Eddie only to find the other man already making his way back to the rescue boat. The older man sighed heavily and rubbed the tears out of his eyes as he followed after, letting the walk to the boat be the moment of peace he needed to fall apart. His family was hurting and he had to be strong enough for them all, but god he was scared. He was terrified that they wouldn’t ever find Buck and if they did... He shook his head and choked down his fear as he climbed into the boat and started to head back out into the destruction.

Eddie looked at the chaos and detestation with hard eyes and a shattered heart. He forced himself to focus only on his boys, both so alone and scared. He hated the fact that his own distraction throughout the day could be what causes him to lose them. If he forced himself to have routinely checked up on them, he could’ve known sooner. Looked sooner. He should’ve known that not hearing from Buck since the accident was wrong, that of course his best friend would’ve been contacting him like crazy if he was safe.

“Wha—What am I gonna do if we don’t find them, Cap? What am I gonna do I—I can’t can’t loose them both Cap. God, I should’ve known—“

“Don’t do that,” Bobby barked harshly, knowing that no matter how badly they wanted to they couldn’t allow themselves to get lost in the possibility. “Your son needs you to be strong, to keep it together. So you are going to keep yourself together and you will not fall apart until we find them. Do you understand?”

Eddie wiped his eyes harshly, “Yes, Sir.”

His eyes scanned the darkness around him, desperate for any sign of life but more specifically for blond hair and blue eyes. For curls and that bright smile only his son bore. The further they went the more that his heart tightened and his breathing shortened. Then he heard it, a distant call that only grew louder as they continued forward. Unlike all the other cries from the dark, this was from a young boy. A boy calling out for his dad with a ferocity unlike any other.

His son.

Eddie turned the bright light in the direction the voice seemed to come from, finding a small silhouette on the edge of a half submerged fire truck. As they got closer he could make out light brown hair against pale white skin, a yellow stripped shirt stained with red. Red, Eddie realized, that came from blood. His body went cold as he suddenly screamed out his sons name, desperate for his instincts to be right and that this was them. This was his son.

It was.

“Christopher!” He cried out, uncaring of his own broken voice or the tears flooding past his eyes as Bobby pulled the boat right against the truck.

He didn’t hesitate to reach up and pull the small boy over the edge and into his arms. He held his son tightly, as if forcing himself to believe that he was real, and spun him around. His heart soared and love overwhelmed him more than he thought possible. He sobbed and shook, fully aware that the boy was doing the same thing. Only after a minute of pure relief did he manage to force himself to pull back and look at the beautiful boys face, further assuring him of the reality of this moment.

His heart plummeted at the dried blood on the boys cheek, “Hey buddy, are you hurt? Where are you hurt? Is it your head o—“

The boys eyes grew large as he remembered, looking desperately back to the truck as he struggled to reach it again despite his dad holding him back. His eyes filled with tears as he started to cry out.

“Buck! Buck, he’s hurt. He’s bleeding a lot daddy! He—Bucky saved me. He held on and he’s really hurt daddy. We gotta help him,” The boy sobbed, still clawing at his dads hold to try and get back to his savior.

Bobby went to the edge of the boat and paled as his flashlight rested on the ghostly man bleeding out on the trucks top. He looked over to Eddie and nodded once in confirmation, moving carefully to climb into the latter vehicle. His hands violently shook as his hand went to the mans neck, checking for a pulse while holding his breath. He sobbed out in relief upon feeling the faintest flutter against his fingers, closing his eyes in momentary hope. His eyes reopened to settle on the series of long wounds across the mans body and the large branch that was buried deep into his thigh.

He remembered how Buck was still on blood thinners. How the amount of blood around him was a sign that the fight to save the young man wasn’t even close to over yet. That there was a high chance the man wouldn’t make it to the hospital before that flutter he just felt disappeared forever. A shock of energy rushes through him as he picked the man up life a feather and turned to Eddie, who’s joy was once again replaced with anguish.

He set Chris down with the promise that he was going to help Buck, which was the only thing that he said that calmed the boy. Eddie’s blood went icy when he grabbed Buck from Bobby’s hands and was greeted with slick blood and the man being far too light for his size. He had his son sit next to Bobby whole the man began to speed back in the way they came from, obviously as desperate as he was to save Buck. Eddie ripped off his shirt and began trying to patch as many wounds possible, desperate to slow the bleeding.

As his hands rested on the broken mans check, his only relief was feeling the weak breaths and even weaker heartbeat. He distantly hears the captain radioing back to Hen and Chimney, but all he could focus on was the body beneath his hand and the fact his son was alive. They were both alive. Until the breathing beneath him ceased and soon after so did the thumping.

“No, no, no! Evan you can’t give up now. We’re so close, please you gotta keep fighting for me,” Eddie cried weakly as he straddles the man and started doing chest compressions. “You’ve fought so hard, please don’t leave me now!”

He felt the wind around him whipping faster as Bobby sped far more than he should’ve, his eyes flickering between the streets and the dying man before him. He felt Chris cling onto his arm and bury his face in it, desperate to ignore the scene before him. He could feel the boys tears, and his heart hammered as he became all the more desperate to get back to land. To save Buck and to save this family that he’s grown into.

When they made it back to land they were immediately greeted with an ambulance and team prepped for their arrival, ready to haul their fallen fighter to the closest operation room for saving. The team loaded Buck up and into the ambulance, forcing Eddie out of his position as they took over and before anyone could protest they were speeding off. Only then, the second that Christopher ran into his arms, did he allow himself to completely collapse and fall apart. At the scene of their fear and sorrow, the rest of the 118 were soon to follow. Bobby pulled Hen into a tight hug and subtly cried as she completely shattered. Chimney held onto Maddie as she too lost her footing, being her support as her screams for her brother echoed all around them.

Buck was on the operating table for 12 hours, during which he crashed 4 times. The amount of injuries he gathered during his fight for survival were more than a soldier who was five feet from an exploding grenade. The fact that he made it through the first major set of surgeries that night was a miracle in and of itself, one that even the surgeons were shocked to achieve. His condition was so unstable that they had him locked away in the ICU for two days, unwilling to chance visitors. He went in for another round of 8 hours worth of surgery on the third day when the doctors had settled on the fact that, despite the fact he was too weak for surgery he was too weak without it as well. He crashed only once in that time period.

It was another two days after that surgery before they allowed people to visit. The doctor walked out into the waiting room holding people who’ve barely moved since they first arrived and she told them of the news. An update on his status, which is that he’s alive but just barely. That he shows no sign of decline, which is the best they could hope for at the moment. In the end the matter was that they couldn’t do any more for him as of the moment, except for hope and pray for some progress so that they can go in again. Open him up and fix the remaining damage.

She walked away with the fact that only two visitors could go at a time, that they could only touch his hand, and to not be shocked by the amount of tubes and needles in him. With the fact that only two people could stay over night in the room, but everyone must be prepared to leave at a moments notice in case something were to happen. And the fact that he was alive.

Truly and utterly alive.

Bobby excused himself the moment the doctor walked away, rushing out of the waiting room to try and hide his tears. Athena followed closely behind, her own eyes watery and the hint of a thankful smile of her face. Hen leaned into Karen as she tried to breathe again, so eternally grateful for the fact that the man she loved like a brother was going to be alright. Chimney held onto Maddie as she too sobbed in a mixture of pain and alleviation. He held her tightly as she clung to his shirt and thanked the world for the fact that her baby brother was alive.

The only one tear free was Eddie, who hunched forward with his head in his hands. The only reason why he wasn’t crying is because he no longer was capable of it after almost a weeks worth of tears. He took deep breaths to try and regain the little control he had over himself, chanting a mantra of ‘He’s alive’ over and over in his head as if to solidify that fact more than it already was. He only managed to look up once he felt a small hand close on his shoulder, a hand that belonged to a barely put-together Maddie.

“Would you...Do you wanna come with me to see him?” She asked him softly, looking at him with those kind brown eyes.

He wanted to protest, to insist that he wasn’t worthy of being one of the first ones to see Buck. That it was, in a way, his fault that Buck was in this situation in the first place. That he let the man down by now paying enough attention. So many things he wanted to say to convince her that she shouldn’t ask him such a powerful thing, but in the end he managed a small desperate nod. She reached down and grabbed his wrist and together they walked down the daunting white hospital hallway to the room they were told he was at.

Maddie entered first and was greeted with the sight of her baby brother laying there. A respirator was in his mouth to help him breath, a series of wires connected to his body to monitor his vitals, and one arm had an IV tube while the other had more blood being circulated into his body. The man was paler than they’d ever seen him, almost as if the life was completely drained out of him. Most of his exposed skin still showed signs of bruising, though most of his body was wrapped in bandages. In every way, except for the rhythmic breathing and the monitored beeping of his heart rate, the young man looked dead.

She broke, even though she had promised herself that she’d be strong enough for him. The sight of the boy she loved and raised since she was 10 was too painful to see and she managed to whisper a broken apology to Eddie before rushing out the room. He felt as if he owed it to Buck to run after her and make sure she was okay, but he found himself frozen in spot with his eyes glued to the man he loved. His best friend and the potential love of his life despite the fact he couldn’t ever bring himself to confessing that love. Oh, how he regrets that now. How small things like rejection become when you almost lose it all.

He finds himself next to Buck without being aware he moved. An unsettling feeling settled itself in his stomach as he realized how wrong this all was. How the room was cold because the other man wasn’t awake to give it warmth. How the man was too still and blank when he’s always been hyperactive and emotional. How everything about this wasn’t reflecting of the man before him, as if he was already gone.

Eddie reaches out and clasps Bucks hand in both of his own, trying to ignore how icy it feel. He holds on desperately, overly aware of how that hand didn’t instantly hold his back and squeeze like it always had before. Eddie brought that hand to his lips and pressed a small tender kiss to its bruised knuckles, as if it could easy the pain. He pulled back one hand only to bring it to the mans face, hesitating momentarily as he remembered the doctors instructions, before softly cupping it.

His thumb brushed his friends smooth skin and cheekbone, taking note of the growing stubble and lack of warmth. A part of him had a small hope, somewhere deep down inside, that upon this touch the other mans eyes would magically open up to reveal that beautiful blue he loved so much. That part of him was crushed when no sign of that happening was the only result. Still, despite the heartache, Eddie was thankful for a solid feel and reminder that Buck was still with him.

“Hey Buck,” he whispered, as if afraid raising his voice would wake the man, “Doc said you’re gonna be alright. You really had me—us, worried for a minute there. God, I am so thankful for you. I don’t know what I would do without you man.”

The machine continued breathing for the blonde man while Eddie’s voice clogged up with his chest. He forced himself to try and breath to the same rhythm, once again finding himself being saved by the man beside him without even trying. He took a moment to gather himself again before continuing.

“You save Chris, you protected him. He told me about how hard you fought for him and about how much you cared. Dios, he wouldn’t be here without you. He wanted so badly to come with me to the hospital to help you but...I didn’t think you’d want him to see you this way. In pain. He loves you so much, Evan, and I know you love him too. Thank you...”

He had to stop himself from confessing his own love for his best friend because he knew that the man deserved the first confession to be to him. To him as he was awake and there to feel it all and live it all. He deserved to have the chance to be free to know the truth, no matter what may come. After everything he’s done for Eddie, he deserved that much. So he stopped himself.

Eddie heard the approaching footsteps and figured that Maddie was coming back with Chimney in tow. To be forced himself to stand and let go of the limp hand, and with it a part of his heart. He leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss to the mans forehead, the soft blond hair brushing his nose.

“Take care of yourself and come back to us, Buck. I’ll be back as soon as I can, promise.”


	2. Breaking Thin Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this will make you all heartbroken as well as happy! I’ve been enjoying this story so much and am glad I decided to write it. Warning: there is mentions of implied abuse but not much.   
> As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Five more days passed. The 118, with exception to Eddie, had no choice but to return to work. Despite this, each member found a way to visit their youngest friend at least once a day. To check in and give their words of love, unknowing to whether they do it for him or for themselves. The most frequent visitors, ones that vary rarely leave the mans side if they don't have to, are Maddie Buckley and Eddie Diaz.

Whenever Eddie wasn't with the young blonde man he was at home with his son. Holding him tight and relishing in the fact that he was okay, because that was something he was still struggling to comprehend even after all these days. He knew that Christopher was growing tired of his constant worrying and hovering, though he suspects that the boy was also thankful for it.

It was a struggle at first to get Christopher on the slow and hard road of recovery. He accepted quite early on that nothing would be the same anymore and that he would have to adapt to his sons needs, which he did so wonderfully. He was sure to get his son to eat at least two meals a day (the boy couldn't stomach any more), and that those meals were simple and dry. He didn't push for him to drink water when he refused, instead settling on different juices with a high level of water in them. He'd even bought a couple dozen packages of straws as a way to limit the chances of a spill.

It was those things that were easy to accommodate for, but other obstacles were increasingly difficult. His son had developed a fear of his bed sheets, feeling as though they were trapping him in his dreams and therefore back underneath the water. Sleep wasn't something that came easy, and staying asleep was all the more challenging. It was on the fourth day after the tsunami that Eddie learned it was best when they slept together in his room, his arms holding the small boy like Buck's has on that daunting day. Though even then it wasn’t a grantee that both would get at least 5 hours of sleep each night.

The boys desperate desire to see his Buck was also something that had become harder for Eddie to deny. In his sleep the kid cried out for his hero and when awake almost every time he spoke it was about the man he has yet to see. It took his father a whole day to convince him that Buck was in fact alive, though he didn't fully believe it even then. Eddie knew that it wouldn't be long before he would have no choice but to take his son to visit.

He wasn't denying the visit to be cruel to either person. He definitely wasn't doing it because he was angry at Buck. He was doing it because he knew how horrible it feels to be in the hospital room with Evan Buckley but feeling like he was alone. He was doing it because he has his own nightmares that always tie back to the image of his best friend laying still in the hospital bed with tubes and death around him.

A part of him hoped that there would be some miracle where the man would've waken up by now and smiled that beautiful smile. That he would make a joke then start asking about when he could come back to work, despite knowing that was not at all an option so soon. Then that he would turn to Eddie, blue eyes wide with wonder, and ask where his favorite buddy was. That Eddie would be able to smile back and know it was safe to grant both their wishes, bringing in his son who always made hard times easier.

The morning of the sixth day after Buck's second surgery was when Eddie brought in his son for a visit. The kids lack of sleep the night before is what forced him to swallow his fears in favor of doing what was best for everyone. Christopher had walked down the long hospital hallway with his new crutches, slow but determined to get to the destination on his own. To be strong for his friend. A strong sense of remembrance fell upon the boys father as he walked behind, remembering the boy making a very similar journey to visit Buck after the bombing incident then after the embolism.

Only difference was that when Christopher arrived to the door, opening it with the help of his father, Buck wasn't awake on the other side. He didn't immediately sit up and smile brightly, cheering happily at the sight of his favorite little man. He didn't laugh and get that sparkly look in his eyes in a mixture of awe and youthfulness. No, when Christopher entered the room he was greeted with the man unmoved as he had been for days.

Eddie looked down at his son worriedly, hyperaware of how quite the boy was as he made his way next to the bed, and doubts about his choice grew. Chris came to a stop next to the sleeping man, eyes lingering on his face and the tube the was connected to his mouth. He lifted his hand, only to remember that he had his crutches, and frowned. Turning to his father, tears making his brown eyes glossy, he whispered,

"Can you help me, dad? I want to be next to Buck."

Eddie nodded without hesitation, moving to take the crutches from the boys hands and rested them against the end of the bed. Then he turned and grabbed Christopher by his sides, lifting him just enough to set him down on the bed. Before he could do anything, Chris turned and immediately laid besides the older man, head tucked into his shoulder while his small arm gently draped across the mans chest. Within a minute his eyes were closed and he fell into a peaceful sleep, comforted in a way that only Buck could make him feel.

Half an hour passed before the doctor stopped by to check up on her patient, only to stop abruptly in the doorway upon the scene before her. She turned to Eddie with an eyebrow raised in exasperated question, causing the latter man to smile sheepishly and stand to meet her. They stepped just outside the room as to be able to talk without disturbing the sleeping boys.

"Sorry, Doc. I know you said only to touch his hand, but my son has been begging me to take him to see Buck all week. They were, uh, they were together during the tsunami. Th—It's the first time he's been able to sleep so soundly..."

They both turned and looked into the room through the window, watching the sweet moment as it happened. Eddie, for the first time in weeks, felt a familiar warmth and love flood into his chest. A warmth that seemed to only occur when his son and the man he loved were together, as if they were meant to be a part of each other's lives. Meant to be a family.

"I could wake him if—"

The doctor shook her head, "There's no need, Mr. Diaz. If anything, it might be helpful in the healing process. I just need you to promise me that if Mr. Buckley's vitals change, you can remove yourself and your son fast enough for my people to be there to help."

Eddie released a breath he didn't realize he was holding, "Of course, Doc. Um...Can I ask you something?"

The woman's eyebrow rose again, but the hint of a smile was undeniably present as well. She nodded for him to continue, though he was still fumbling with his question in his head. Unsure if he had any right to this question, if he deserved it.

"Is...Is he ever gonna wake up? If he does, will he ever be the same again?"

The lady smiled softly, but sadly. "I've been this boys doctor through a bombing incident, a pulmonary embolism, and now a natural disaster in the shape of a tsunami. He is the strongest man I've ever met, but you already know that. I strongly believe, given that his vitals have increased over the last couple of days, he will wake up. In terms of being the same, I'm afraid I can't say...You just have to love and support him no matter what."

She walked away before he had the chance to respond, the taste of the words "I will" still lingering on the tip of his tongue. When he re-entered the room he went to the opposite side of the bed, pulling up a chair so he could be as close to the blonde man as he could. His hands found the still one in front of him, bringing it up to his lips as he did every time he came back. Then he simply held it while leaning back, letting the sounds of a machine breathing and his sons tired snores center him in the moment.

Hours passed but Chris didn't stir from his spot once. Maddie had come in at noon, freshly showered and rested for the first time since the night of the tsunami. It had taken Chim a long time to convince her to go, though they both knew it only worked because of the fact she knew Chris was coming. Her skin had regained some life and color, though her dark circles under her eyes were just as bad as Eddie's. She smiled weakly to him as she settled by his side, handing him a hot plate.

"Bobby," Was all she said, but it was explanation enough.

The two ate in silence, thankful for the others presence as well as the first hot meal they've had in days. It was the first meal that he's had that he could taste, genuinely aware for the first time just how hungry he was. He didn't know if he should be thankful or worried about this newfound life that's come back to him despite the fact the same wasn't said for the man in front of him.

"Eddie," Maddie said, being the first to break the silence. He turned to her but her eyes remained trained on her brother, "I never got the chance to tell you this before, but thank you."

Confusion settled on the man, "What for? I haven't done anything...If anything I should be apologizing for Buck being here in the first place."

She shook her head, though still didn't turn to him, "No, don't do that. There's nothing anyone could've done and we both know Buck wouldn't want blame to be passed around. You were helping him by trusting him, believe me when I say he needed that."

Eddie remained silent in his disagreement, knowing that arguing with the older Buckley was the last thing either of them needed. He knew, in a way, that she was right. That in reality there was nothing he could've done to prevent this situation, even if he was the one to drop Chris off without warning. But mostly, he knew she was right in the sense that Buck would hate the fact that Eddie blames himself at all.

"I'm thanking you because in all of his life my brother has never had someone who has supported him and loved him as much as you have. He rarely had any friends before coming here, but you saved him. Made him a better man...God, I have never seen him as happy as he is when he is with you and Chris."

She paused a moment, finally turning to him with the shimmer of unshed in her brown eyes. He reached out with his free hand and squeezed her shoulder, watching as she closed her eyes and leaned into his support. So much like her brother usually did, as if the Buckley's couldn't help but gravitate towards the comfort. It made Eddie miss his friend even more.

When she opened her eyes she continued, "I called my parents, ya know? The night after that first round of surgeries. I had held off on involving them in his life for so long, because Buck...They're not good for him. But I figured that this was something else, I needed them and he did too."

"What happened?" He asked, not knowing if he wanted the answer.

"They said they didn't care! That his life was no longer their problem and that it was late, they had to go. I knew how they were to him, but god I wished that for once this would be different. That when I told them I didn't know if he'd make it—"

Eddie stopped her from continuing, moving so that he could pull her into a tight embrace. Maddie cried heavily into his shirt, clinging to him like a distressed newborn, while he rubbed her back soothingly. He found himself clenching and unclenching his jaw in anger, a burning hot fury for these unknown parents that cared so little for the life of their son. The life of a man so selfless and kind that an angel from heaven pales in comparison.

He had heard bits and pieces over the years about the Buckley parents, most of which came from late night talks with Buck. The truth about how little he knew about Buck's past was something that always bother him, as if he should know more, but never enough to worry. He knew that Buck's father was a rich businessman who cared about his money more than his children. That he was cold and distant, though Eddie always suspected that there might be a more cruel side that Buck hinted at without ever fully confirming it.

He knew that his mother was named Patricia and that she wasn't much better than the father. Buck had occasionally mentioned how his mother had never hugged him or told him she loved him. The hints that his friend had dropped when mentioning his mothers tendencies to turn a blind eye on the harsher parts of his world was a large reason why Eddie hated to think about it. Hated to know that the chances his best friend was hurt, emotionally and possibly physically, by his own parents was fairly high.

That despite all this pain he still somehow managed to turn out as one of the best people Eddie ever had the pleasure of knowing. A walking ray of sunshine.

"You and Buck don't need them," Eddie said when her cries settled at last, "You have us now. We, all of us, are you're family."

Maddie peeked up at him and shook her head slightly, an unknown glint in her eyes, "You and Chris are his family. His home. He’s never really had that before, not really. So, Eddie Diaz, thank you for being my little brothers home."

Eddie didn't know how he could possibly explain to her that it was the exact opposite. That Buck is Someone he loves more than anyone in the world besides his own son. That he was lost and so angry with the world before Buck saved him. That he would do anything for the man because he loves him so much that it physically hurts him to refrain from the need to hold Buck and never let go. A need that he's stopped himself from caving into simply because of the fact that he was afraid that doing so too soon would make him lose him forever.

So he simply nodded, but based off the smile she gave him it seemed as though she understood better than anyone else could've.

The entire team stopped by that night when their shift ended, even Athena found time to join them. They all managed to convince the nurses to let them into the room despite the clear rules given days before. A part of Eddie wondered if the nurses were as desperate to let Buck know that he wasn't alone...or maybe they were beginning to lose hope that he would ever wake up. After all, there's no harm that could be done if there was no hope.

Only there was. Buck regained consciousness slowly at first, his eyes still glued shut but his mind sparked with self awareness. He could hear himself think for the first time in what felt like decades. He was distantly aware of sounds surrounding him, muffled voices or something. He wasn't sure, he couldn't understand what he heard...If he heard anything or if it was his mind.

All that he knew for sure was the fact that his head felt as though it were trapped and being crushed by cement. A tight and heaviness pushing down on his whole skill, painful but not in the traditional sense. It aches, almost like it's been crushed for longer than he was aware of. The other thing he knew was that it felt as though a large object, perhaps it was the fire truck again, was crushing his chest. It hurt to breath (was he even breathing? He wasn't sure) and it hurt to move.

Everything hurt so much, and he wanted to scream but he couldn't. He wanted to cry but his eyes were so heavy. Then, in all this confusion and hurt and anger, he felt the familiar hold of a hand on his. The hand was rough, calloused maybe, and warm. Warmer than the rest of his aching body, and so much so that it anchored him. Reminded him that there was someone talking and that the world wasn't this darkness he was surrounded by.

He knew it was Eddie's hand before he opened his eyes. Before the harsh white light of the hospital room attacked his already fragile eyes, causing him to instantly flinch and close them again. Then, as if that light were suddenly a source of water while trapped in a desert, he forced himself to open them again. To blink, once twice then three times, until the pain of the world settled and became focused.

Eddie was the first to notice, because of course he was. He was the only one that was constantly in search of those beautiful blue eyes, even before the hospital room. Searching and lingering on the brightest blue he'd ever seen since the day he first joined the 118, when those kind eyes were flooded with jealousy. So when they met him this time, after days of going without seeing them, Eddie was the first to jump on his feet and meet them. His hands cupped both sides of the younger mans face, brown meeting blue like it was always meant to be.

"Buck?" He whispered, as if afraid speaking any louder would ruin everything. "Hey, buddy, there's those pretty blues."

All talking ceased around them, every other eye in the room trained on the two men. Not that their attention mattered when both men only cared about seeing the other in that moment. When Buck's eyes went through a dozen emotions; from confusion to awe to fear. It settled at last on a mixture between happiness and pain. Yes, pain from the heavy crushing he felt in his entire body now that he was certain he was actually awake. Pain from trying to breath but feeling something working against him, forcing him into a certain rhythm of breaths.

Then panic ensued. His first instinct was to reach for whatever it was that was intruding his mouth and lungs, clawing at the tube that was shoved down his throat. It hurt to move, hurt to thrash around, but he couldn't help himself. He tried screaming Eddie's name, begging for help, but it only caused more fire to erupt from his throat. When nothing he did worked, he settled on gripping Eddie's arms tightly and hoping that the man understood. It was then, when he was gripping hot flesh and looking back at the other mans tan face, that he realized Eddie was talking.

"Easy, Buck. Hey look at me, look at me! It's okay, you're okay. Do you hear me? You're going to be okay," Eddie repeated softly, his thumbs moving across the mans cheek bones gently. "I've got you, okay?"

Buck managed to calm down, accepting the pain and the intrusion. Eddie leaned down until his forehead met the other mans, his hands remaining where they were. He listened to the rest of the group slowly leaving the room, Maddie saying she was getting the doctor, but he only focused on the other man. On his blue eyes filled with pain and fear, but also of fierce life.

The doctor came in soon after that, forcing Eddie to step back to let her examine his friend. His hands moved and clasped the other mans, who in turn held on tightly. The doctor did a series of tests before announcing that she was going to removed the respirator. Within a few minutes Buck was back to breathing on his own, his throat sore and stinging with every swallow. He winced at the lingering taste of salt water that seemed to be engrained into his tastebuds.

When the doctor left with a smile and a promise to be back with some pain medications, Eddie rushed back to the mans side. Bucks eyes met his and then a smile followed, wide and shining just like it always was. A longing that Eddie didn't even realize he had for that look fell over him, causing a wet chuckle to leave his mouth. That was when he realized he was crying again.

They cried together for a moment, basking in each other's presence while they were alone. Bucks lips moved, but Eddie stopped him from talking knowing that it would do more harm than good. So instead Buck lipped his question, 'Chris?'. It was the only thing, outside of the pain, that Buck could think about. The only thing that mattered to him more than anything else.

His answer came with the soft clicking of crutches from the hallway, rushing and growing louder the closer they got to the door. Almost as if the boy had somehow been waiting for this exact moment, as if he’d been listening for his queue to enter. Christopher entered the room with a wide smile and shout, all but sprinting towards Buck. Eddie lifted him up the second he was within reach before setting him down on the bed. Chris smiled for the first time since the disaster as he looked down at his Buck.

"Hey kid," Christopher whispered, "Are you gonna be alright?"

Buck nodded, smiling back at his favorite little man. He was so relieved to see that he had saved him, that he hadn't failed his boy. Maybe not by blood or anything else, but he loved that kid like his own since the day he met him. That much was true. That much was more than enough to destroy the shadow that once hovered around his heart. To shine light on him enough that when the rest of his family came into the room the darkness wasn't even a thought. The pain became more bearable and life became more worth living.

Never before had Evan Buckley been so glad to wake up.


	3. Finding Steady Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took longer than planned to upload. I hope you enjoy! It’s not quite as perfect as I wanted it. Feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Another week and another surgery went by before Buck was deemed safe enough to eat solid foods. Another week and he was well enough to leave the hospital room in a chair, which was a relief to more than just the injured man. He had grown stir-crazy and restlessness was not something that went well with the hyperactive man, even if he was worn down from the toll the tsunami brought in its wake. In the end, everyone was relieved when today arrived and he was free to leave the hospital.

However, he wasn’t allowed to go home. At least he wasn’t technically allowed to go home, since the doctor ordered that he needed to be in a place without stairs and with someone to watch over him. Maddie was the first to jump to an offer, feeling as though it was her responsibility to take care of her brother like she had since they were children. She didn’t even ask since she assumed that it was what he wanted.

People had been doing a lot of that lately. Assuming that they knew what was best for the man without ever asking him. Walking on the tips of their toes and whispering to each other about him, even though he was right there and could speak for himself. Bobby doing it about work schedules, Hen about Bobby’s worry for Buck, Chimney about Maddie and Maddie about Buck. It was one endless cycle of talking to each other for what was best for Buck and who would take care of him and so on.

Which is why he told his sister no when she stated that she would be his caretaker. He knew that she was the best, if not only, option for it. He knew that she had nursing experience and knew how to help him when he was sick better than anyone else. That she was his only real family and the only one not racked with a dozen other responsibilities. The issue was that he knew this but didn’t care because he was tired of people doing everything for him without asking if he wanted to do something for himself.

The tsunami already took half his health, any future in his job, and his mind with it. It almost took away his entire world. He wouldn’t let it take his voice and his choice as well.

That’s why when Eddie asked Buck took his offer. He had a moment of hesitation, where he wanted nothing more than to scream yes but his brain wouldn’t stop reminding him of why he should. Of the fact that Eddie already had to juggle work and his son, a boy who’s already struggling with the waves aftermath, and didn’t need a broken friend to take care of. The only reason why he agreed was before he could voice his concerns his best friend shut them down with a desperate plead.

Eddie needed Buck to agree to his offer. He needed to be able to go to sleep every night knowing that his friend was alive in the next room. That if Buck ever needed him he would only be a few steps away, just like he was whenever his own son needed him. He knew that Buck was struggling in the same sense as Chris, with nightmares and heart ripping fear of a disaster waiting outside of their doors.

He needed Buck, and Buck needed to not be alone. Chris needed them both too, which he made sure to mention in his plea. He didn’t mean to let his pure fear and desperation show in his voice when he interrupted the other mans racing mind, knowing that his selflessness would disrupt his own needs. Despite his intentions, Eddie couldn’t help but lose his grip on it as he sat next to that god forsaken bed as he did every day.

Buck tried to let his joy at his newfound freedom outweigh the self pity that flooded him whenever Eddie had to help him into the passenger seat. Tried to let the sunlight and fresh air drown out the pain that spiked through him every time they hit a bump in the road. Most of all he tried to let the warmth and smile that Eddie bore outshine the tiredness that weighed on him despite the fact he just work up.

He was mostly successful...until he was pushed through Eddie’s front door and was greeted with the loud cheer of his team. He should’ve known they’d throw a celebratory party in honor of his discharge, but his mind wasn’t what it was before. Too focused on fixing him to let it wonder about the others activities and thoughts. So despite his own pain and tiredness, he smiled as brightly as he could and pretended to be happy they were here.

In a way he was. He was happy they loved him and cared about him enough to celebrate the next step in a long series of recovery. He was glad they all worked together to get the time off and make his favorite foods while playing his favorite music. However, he had wanted to come home and lay in Eddie’s guest bedroom like he always had and sleep until the giggles of his favorite little man woke him up. Until he could get that strong small hug and Eddie would announce that lunch was ready.

The party seemed to drag on and Buck’s facade was growing weaker each minute that passed. He tried to ignore how they all hugged him like he was fragile, soft and quick. How they put him in his chair at the end of the table, bringing plates and drinks to him without bothering to ask if he was hungry or if that was what he wanted to drink. They all not-so-subtly looked at him every few minutes as if making sure he wasn’t dead and then forced a laugh whenever someone said anything.

He also noticed how they pointedly refused to mention anything about work. It was such a focused effort, stopping mid-sentence when they remember that it was a story about a call. Then they’d look over to Buck and smile sadly, apologizing with their eyes instead of their words. He hated that they were apologizing at all, as if he didn’t want to know about their day like he always did. Listening to work stories from Eddie in the past few days have been one of the few things that tied him back to his old life.

His tired eyes met Eddie’s from across the room. He sighed softly, knowing that he wouldn’t have to force a smile for the other man, and the other man nodded knowingly. Eddie had known that the party would be too much, had argued against it for days before he succumbed to the others. He knew that his best friend was too tired and weak to be ready for something so social, had seen that in his eyes every night when the others would linger in the hospital room too late.

So he did what he needed to do, and faked a phone call. He answered his fake call and sent a wink to Buck before excusing himself, heading out of the kitchen before anyone could question it. He went down the hall to his own room, closing the door so that the others would think it was serious. After a few minutes of the fake conversation he left the room and put on his best performance.

“Hey guys,” he said in mock worry, “I just got a call from my Abuela. Apparently Chris isn’t feeling too hot and he doesn’t want to stay there anymore, he’s had trouble since the tsunami. I’m so sorry—“

“Don’t be,” Bobby said, ever the worrisome father figure, “You need to take care of your son. We will all help take things down and be on our way.”

“Is he going to be alright?” Hen asked, already gathering the paper plates.

“I think so,” Eddie sighed, secretly proud of himself. “I just don’t want him to be scared or uncomfortable.”

“Of course not, Eddie. If you need anything we’ll be one call away,” Chimney reassured him as he too started gathering the mess. “Sorry, Buckaroo, we were hoping we’d get more time. Maybe someday later on this week.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was great seeing you guys,” Buck said with a wide smile (one from relief).

It didn’t take longer than ten minutes for the mess to be put away and the team to bid their farewells. The second Eddie closed the door on Bobby and Athena, both men let out a breath. Eddie and Buck made eye contact and started laughing softly as though it was the funniest thing in the world that they were both relieved. He moved over and looked down at the blonde man once things quieted down.

“I’m...” Buck pauses as he tries to tell Eddie everything he’s thinking but instead settles on, “really tired. Can you help me...ya know?”

Eddie nods softly and helps guide Buck’s wheelchair across the carpet and to the guest room. When he gets there he pulls back the blankets before turning to the other man. Buck finds himself teetering on the edge of embarrassment when Eddie has to scoop him up like a child in order to lay him down, tucking him in even. The only reason why he wasn’t fully embarrassed at his state of vulnerability was because it was Eddie who was helping him.

Somehow it was always easier to be himself when it was Eddie. Life and all of its many confusions were suddenly painfully clear when they were together. Buck had once been ashamed of this fact but after everything he’s been forced to endure, he finds that shame isn’t worth his time. Not anymore.

As Eddie pulls to leave him, Buck reaches for his hand and stops him, “Thank you...for everything. You always have my back and I don’t thank you enough for that, Eds.”

Eddie smiled down at him bashfully, “I’d do anything for you, Buck. You just got to let me.”

“Then stay? J-Just until I can, um, fall asleep. It’s always easier when you’re around.”

They both knew that it wasn’t normal for people who were just friends to depend on each other so much. For it to be so warming and loving when the other one is just around, just there to be there. They never felt this type of connection with any other formal friends or even with any of the other crew. It was always just Buck and Eddie against the world, stronger and better so long as they’re together. This knowledge of the line they had begun to cross, a line each wanted to leap over without fear but never could bring themselves to quite do so, didn’t matter in that moment when Buck was finally honest about what it was he wanted.

He wanted Eddie to stay. To hold him tight until he could finally give into the exhaustion. To be secure and free in a way he normally could never be. It was a want that he knew was actually a need, which is why he could finally breathe when Eddie nodded and moved to crawl into the space next to him.

Eddie didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Buck, though he was careful to hold him in a way that didn’t hurt the other mans many wounds. Buck turned and tucked his head into the crook of the other mans shoulder, a place that had his breath tickling him. They both felt at home in each other’s arms in a way they had never felt before. It was natural for them to fall into this comfort together despite the fact they never had before.

They fell into a deep sleep in minutes, a sleep that was dark and empty of demons. A darkness that felt welcoming to each other because it wasn’t painful. It wasn’t scary. To Buck there was no fire truck, no blood, and most importantly, there was no water. No fear and pain and death among waves. Just firm and steady ground, which came in the shape of the other mans touch.

When Eddie woke up it was to the sound of his work alarm going off, reminding him that he agreed to take the graveyard shift this week so he could be home in time for lunch and help Buck for most of the evenings. He sighed softly, basking in the feeling of holding the man he loves in his arms like he always imagined, before forcing himself to move. He was glad he did when he did since he soon found himself rushing to get ready since he didn’t prepare like he had planned.

Buck had continued to sleep all through the rest of that night and woke nearly 7 hours later. The first thing he noticed was that Eddie had left for his shift a while ago since the spot where he laid was cold and the sun was beginning to rise. Then he noticed the pain, stronger than he’d ever felt since the day he got them. It paralyzed him, bringing instant tears to his eyes, and he struggled to breath. Through his blurred vision he caught sight of the clock beside him and cursed to himself.

It had been nearly a day since he last took his pain medicine, which he was supposed to take every 6 hours. It had been over a day since he last changed his bandages, which were also supposed to be changed every 6 hours. He gasped as he turned slightly to look for his pain killers, only to find the desk side void of them. The reality of his situation dawned on him.

Eddie, he knew, wasn’t due to get off for nearly another hour not including traffic. His current level of hurt was far too high to wait that long for help. His phone was in the kitchen on the island, which meant that in order to call for said help he would need to crawl out of bed and into his wheelchair then wheel himself to the kitchen. Then, once he had managed to call for help, he would have no idea where Eddie put his medication. He figured the medicine cabinet, but he knows that it could be impossible to find among the dozen other supplies in there.

He cried out when he forced himself to sit upright, feeling all his stitches pulling in resistance. Grinding his teeth he pulled the chair as close as possible and then all but crawled into it. Once he managed to settle down, he was panting and sweating in torment, tears racing down his red cheeks. He could feel fresh blood begin dripping down his stomach and settle at his pant line, most likely from having pulled a stitch or two.

The journey to the kitchen went by in a long haze of sweat and tears. He felt embarrassed that such a simple task was so hard for him to achieve when once he would’ve been able to do it with his eyes closed. That feeling only made the journey even more difficult to accomplish.

When he reached his phone he nearly sang with joy, but instead reserved his energy to collapsing further into the chair and opening it with shaking hands. His immediate thought was to call Eddie, but he couldn’t bring himself to push the button. He knew that Eddie would drop everything to come help him just like he knew that the man would blame himself for this situation in the first place. Buck didn’t want that, so he kept scrolling until he found who he was looking for.

Hen made it to Eddie’s house in record time, her heart racing like she’d run the whole way instead of having driven. She pulled the hidden key from under the pot where Buck told her it was, she rushed inside to find her friend leaning against his chair at an odd angle. She noticed how pale he was, but also smiled when she saw his chest movements. She came up next to him and met his baby blue eyes.

“Hey there Buckaroo,” she whispered, scanning his poor state, “What trouble have you gotten yourself into now?”

He smiled weakly, “It’s part of the Buckley charm.”

Hen pushed his wheelchair over to the couch and transferred him to it, wincing when she heard his cries. Then she worked on pulling up his shirt and looking at the damage done. She saw the fresh blood coming from a few bandages and bit her lip at the possible issues that could cause. Then she walked over to the kitchen again and looked at the cabinets in lost confusion.

“Third one to the right of the fridge,” Buck mumbled.

She nodded to herself, trying not to scoff at how well he knew Eddie’s house, and opened the cabinet. The first thing she grabbed was the brown bag labeled ‘Buck Meds’ and then the large first aid kit. Rushing to the fridge she found a water bottle. She was back besides her friend and giving him his medicine, asking for an explanation for the simple reason that she needed to keep him talking as a reassurance he was still awake.

“I’ve been asleep since y’all left yesterday. Forgot to take my pills and change my bandages,” he tells her, pointedly avoiding how Eddie was asleep with him during this time. “I know I shouldn’t have been so reckless—“

“It’s okay sweetie,” Hen stopped him, “we could all tell that your were exhausted yesterday. Why didn’t Eddie wake you up?”

“He probably was just relieved I was sleeping after everything. Look, Hen, please you can’t tell him. He’d feel so guilty and I don’t-I can’t...please don’t tell him.”

She looked at him oddly for a moment before whispering, “Thats why you called me, you don’t wanna upset him. Oh Buckaroo, he’s gonna find out eventually.”

Buck continued to shake his head, thankful for the medicine kicking in, “I don’t want him to know how much it hurts because he’ll find a way to blame himself. And god hen, it hurts so much just to sit and talk...He’s my best friend and I don’t wanna hurt him.”

“Thank you for calling me,” she said, pulling back the bandages. Her gut wretched when she saw that the dried blood was sticking to the old bandages and the skin around the stitches were red from irritation. Luckily she only needed to re-stitch two small areas.

“Of course I did, you’re pretty much my other big sister and one of the people I trust most in this world.”

Hen looked at him as she disposed his old bandages and began gathering his supplies and was surprised to see the genuineness in his eyes. She didn’t know if it was her hormones or what but she found herself getting misty eyed, quickly forcing herself to focus on his abdomen and nothing else.

“How long do you think this is gonna take?” He asked her as she began cleaning his wounds. “Should I find a way to deter Eddie?”

Hen nodded, still not trusting her voice, and listened as he dialed his friend. She knew Eddie must’ve been off by now so she started working faster, though her ears perked up when she heard the ringing stop as Eddie talked.

“Hey man,” Buck said, a smile instantly on his face despite his situation. Hen rolled her eyes at their oblivious but obvious love. “No everything’s good. I was wondering if...”

He looked to Hen in panic, almost as though he hadn’t expected to get this far. She laughed with a shrug so he continued, “If it was possible for Chris to hang out with us tonight. I know that he’s at Abuela’s but...”

Hen could imagine the look of love that Eddie would be wearing right now, like he always did when it came to Chris and Buck being together. She rolled her eyes to herself as she finished the final stitch and began to prepare for the new bandages, occasionally listening into the conversation when Buck shouted out with glee when Eddie said he’d pick Chris up on his way home. Not long after that the call ended and she was wrapping up.

“You take care of yourself or I’ll come back and kick your behind,” she lectured despite the grin on her face. “Tell your boys I said hi.”

“I will,” said Buck, unaware of the fact he just confirmed that they were his boys. “If I wanna tell him the truth. Thank you for this, Hen. I love and appreciate you more than you can imagine.”

With that they bid each other farewell, giving Buck plenty of time to recollect himself while Hen has time to make her ninja escape. Not even fifteen minutes later Eddie was walking through the door with Christopher in tow and a pizza in hand. Chris ran straight towards where Buck sat watching tv and all but lunched himself on the man. Buck chucked deeply and lifted the boy into his lap, glad that he was feeling better just in time for his best boys to be back.

They spent the whole day playing games, eating pizza, and watching movies. Buck had never felt more at home before, and Eddie had never felt like he’d had such a real home before. It felt more alive in this moment than it ever did with Shannon. He realizes as he sits back and watched Buck kiss Chris before Abuela took him back home, that he doesn’t even feel guilty about that truth. That he’s okay with loving Buck and letting his family blossom more than ever before.

Buck excused himself to the restroom for a moment, cleaning and changing his bandages now since he new he was going to doze out soon and didn’t know how long for. He took his medicine then left to rejoin Eddie who had changed into some sleep clothes. Eddie nodded his head in a way that told Buck to follow him and soon they were both in Eddie’s room. A silent agreement passed between them both and soon Eddie had them both settled down.

It was only when they were both entangled in each other that Buck spoke, “I had an accident earlier today...Forgot to take my meds and change my bandages yesterday. I managed to call Hen and get some help.”

Eddie sat up, worried eyes staring down and Buck, “Why didn’t you call me? Damnit Buck, I should’ve known better than—“

“That’s why i didn’t tell you,” Buck grumbled before pushing the man back down so he could rest in his arms again, “It’s not your fault. I wasn’t even going to tell you but...It feels wrong to not tell you things. To lie.”

Eddie settles a moment, knowing that Hen would’ve told him if it was really bad, “Are you sure you’re okay now?”

Buck nodded and Eddie relaxed again, though he was sure to hold the man closer. Tighter. They both fell into a comfortable silence and were thankful for the others existence. Thankful for the realness that is their relationship. There were moments where Eddie couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without Buck, and he never let himself think of it. He wouldn’t want to live to see that day and, if he was lucky, he wouldn’t have to.

“I love you man,” he whispered as he was beginning to drift into the darkness. 

“I love you too, Eds.” Buck mumbled back.

Neither man knew just how much they meant that, or the deeper meaning that those words carried.


	4. Wrestling White Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware: this chapter is the holy Roller Coaster of emotions. The start is very sad and dark (TW:Suicidal thoughts and discussions about suicide) but I promise by the end of it you’ll be happy. I wanted to try to invoke both happy and sad tears (let me know if I was successful). Last chapter will be all fluff, possibly published by Monday and it will be Christmas themed.

A couple of weeks had passed before Buck had recovered enough to be able to walk on his own, often times requiring the assistance of crutches. His recovery was just enough to give him back more of his independence, though he was far from being well enough to even think about working out. This means that the road to getting better was far longer than he could imagine and there was more work to be done.

However, he had begun to notice the strain that his own recovery has having on the Diaz household. At least, in his view it was a strain. Christopher's nightmares from the incident had gotten worse, meaning the boy was getting less sleep and becoming harder to take care of due to his fussy state and mental downs. Eddie had to pick up more hours at work to make up for the fact that he was feeding three mouths now that Buck was there as well as for Carlas longer hours. Buck knew his best friend wouldn't admit that he was being stretched thin and the last thing he needed was to continue taking care of Buck as well.

So he made the choice for him. When he announced that he thought it was best that he goes back to his apartment now that he was more mobile again, he was met with resistance. A large part of the reluctance was from Chris, who's cries and pleas for the man to stay brought Buck to tears and almost made him cave. Eddie had spent a whole night grilling Buck about whether he was sure he could handle being on his own, which in turn made Buck lie and say he was. The truth was that he wanted nothing more than to stay with his Diaz boys forever and never let go.

It didn't matter what he wanted because he knew it was more harmful to stay than good. His best friend was too kind to be honest about his relief at the announcement, but Buck was certain that it was there. He was wrong of course, but Eddie had the same insecurities and never spoke up to be honest about his own desire for Buck to never leave them. They were both playing the role they thought was meant to play out, unaware that the other was hurting just as much as they were. It was a painful game they weren't even aware they'd immersed themselves in, and that ignorance was why they wouldn't escape anytime soon.

When Eddie had finished helping Buck get resettled in his apartment again, he felt a lingering temptation to finally confess his feelings after putting it off for months. Years, actually, but he would never admit that to himself anytime soon. As he lingered by the door, knowing it was time to go, he wanted so badly to tell the blonde man just how much he didn't want to. To tell him that he wanted Buck to stay by his side, safe and sound, forever because he loved him more than anything outside of Christopher. Instead of giving into these temptations, he simply smiled and said goodbye.

He'd only come to realize how much of a mistake that would be months into the future.

Nearly two months had passed since Buck left Eddie's and was back in his cold apartment. In actuality the apartment itself was melting hot with the Los Angeles heat, and it was just Buck who felt as though it was cold like death. It lacked life and his own presence only added to that feeling. Each day had become a wary routine, one that made it hard for him to get out of bed in the mornings, and he hasn't strayed from the pattern since.

He'd wake up, getting maybe an hour or so of sleep before a nightmare yanked him back to reality. Each one more brutal than the last. He'd try to go back to sleep, tossing and turning for hours until eventually giving up and laying there. He'd lay until the sun would start to peak and watch the distant sunrise. Then, at a quarter til 10, he'd force himself out of bed to change and get ready for his physical therapy.

Buck found that he dragged his feet more often in the mornings than he had in years. He used to look forward to the sunshine and the possibilities of a new day. Even when he was depressed from the bombing incident, he would find himself looking forward to physical therapy because he had the motivation to work towards returning to work. However, work wasn't important to him anymore as much as it had been. He couldn't find it in himself to feel depressed or angry that he couldn't work when he had spent an entire day feeling as though he was going to lose the boy he loved as his own and watching with tired eyes as dead bodies flowed down stream.

In many ways the tsunami had given Buck a new perspective on the important things in life. In many ways it had also given him the burden of feeling as though he didn't deserve the chance to even be here to acknowledge those important things.

After a few hours of teeth gritting and tear bringing workouts, Buck would come back home and lay on his couch for hours. Most of the time he tried to sleep and failed because of the darkness of his mind and the throbbing of the pain. Throbbing that seemed to be everywhere, pulsating his whole body to the rhythm of its torture. When it was dull enough to breath again, he would try to eat something but often times failed to get more than a piece of toast down. Then he'd go up to the roof of the apartment complex, sit on the edge to watch the sunset and thinking about what would happen if the wind blew and he fell.

That was where he was when Eddie had come by for a surprise visit, holding a box of fresh pizza and a case of colas (since Buck couldn't drink on his medications). He used his key to sneak in, smile on his face with anticipation, only to stop dead when he saw there was nobody home. The lights were off and walking around confirmed that Buck wasn't here at all. Worry grew in the man as he called Buck only to find the other mans phone was sitting on the couch.

Eddie hadn't seen Buck in over a month, too caught up with work and Christopher to make time to come out. He tried his best to reach out when he could, a text to check up or a call late at night when his worry was too high to ignore. The responses were always good, though lacking in length, so Eddie didn't think too much of it. But he knew something had been wrong when the contact between them had slowly become on the verge on nonexistent. Walking outside the door he ran into one of Bucks neighbors.

"Eddie," she greeted with a smile, "I haven't seen you around here in a while."

Eddie smiled at the older woman, "Hi Mrs. McNell. Have you seen Buck around by any chance?"

"Oh, he must be up on the roof right around now. Always sneaking out around this hour to go watch the sunset or something silly. I warned him that going up there was dangerous, but he reminded me that he runs into fires for a living."

Eddie's heart plummeted to his stomach, "Thanks, Mrs. McNell. Have a nice night."

He didn't wait to hear her response before bolting towards the nearby staircase, knowing the elevator was slower and didn't even go up to the roof level. He took the stairs three at a time, worried that slowing down could be the difference between Buck making a bad decision or not, until he came slamming through the rooftop door. Sure enough Buck at on the edge, looking out at the horizon before his friends abrupt appearance had caught his attention.

When Buck's blue eyes had meet Eddie's, they were red from fresh tears and his face was deathly pale. The man seemed shock to have been found, let alone by his best friend, and froze in place. Eddie had regained his own composure, panting slightly, before moving closer. He was cautious with his steps and tried to remain calm so that he didn't frighten Buck.

Buck sighed and turned away when Eddie had gotten within hearing distance, "You shouldn't be here. How did you even find me?"

Eddie's breathing hitched when he heard the complete brokenness in his best friends voice and wondered to himself how he didn't notice it sooner. Why it took him so long to realize things were this bad. Why it took him finding Buck literally on the edge of a building as he fell apart in front of him to realize that he wasn't okay.

"Mrs. McNell."

Buck nodded a moment, hands coming to brush away his tears, before he spoke again. "Why are you here? Not that I—It's just that...I haven't seen you in a while. Is Christopher okay?"

Eddie nodded before realizing Buck wasn't facing him, "Chris is fine, he's actually doing a lot better. He misses you...So do I. That's why I'm here, Buck. What's going on, why are you up here?"

"I wasn't going to jump, if that's what you think," Buck said softly, voice rough from tears. "Not that I hadn't considered it, but I—I, uh, wouldn't want to have anyone clean up the mess. Nobody deserves to be traumatized with finding me, ya know?"

Eddie swears he could hear his heart cracking apart in that moment. He knows he can feel it, like a bat to a glass window, and he knows that it hits him the same way. His knees give out at some point until he finds himself sitting on the harsh concrete top. His body was shaking and his eyes burned with salty tears. All at once he was petrified, heartbroken, and stunned.

"God, Eds, I've thought about it a lot these past couple of months. Every night for hours when I would sit here and think about what would happen if I let myself just...go. If I gave into this darkness and pain and suffering I feel every day all the time. The loneliness that I feel every moment I'm here, even when I know I'm not truly alone. I think about What would happen, ya know? To the people I love."

Eddie could hear that Buck was crying, no he was sobbing. He could see through his own tears that the younger man was hunched over on that ledge, body trembling with his cries, and he found himself moving. He sat besides Buck and he wrapped his arm around him and held him close, kissing his shoulder and hoping that he would be enough. Hoping his touch would be enough because he couldn't find it in himself to speak lest he cave into his own feelings and break.

"I could rationalize it. I thought about Maddie, who has practically raised me since I was born, and I wondered if she would be alright," Buck whispered when he finally calmed down. "I know she would be devastated, but she'd have Chimney there to help her back to her feet. To hold her and love her and support her. I know that he would mourn me for a while, maybe even miss me, but he would be strong enough for the both of them...They'd be okay."

"Buck—"

"Then I thought about Hen," Buck continued, ignoring the other mans attempts to speak. He needed to get this out now because he was done with holding it back and now Eddie was here and he could be honest. His voice stopped shaking the more he explained what he had considered every night as he stared down at the bottom of the building and wondered about what would happen if he jumped.

"She would cry a lot. I never did like seeing her cry, but I know it's how she copes. Denny would hug her everyday after school and tell her that she's going to be alright. Karen would kiss her and love her until she found her own two feet again. She would be okay too."

"Evan, stop. Please," Eddie begged, holding on tighter.

Buck turned, surprised at the use of his real name, and his face was so close. Eddie could see the dried tears on Bucks cheeks and the fresh ones clinging to his long blonde eyelashes. He could see the red in the white of his eyes, making that blue pop, and the pink in his lips from biting them. He could see the aching in the mans soul and the breaking of his heart. Which is why he's unsurprised when the man simply smiled sadly before turning to look away, almost ashamed, and continued speaking.

"I imagine that Bobby would take it pretty hard too, though I'm not sure if that's true or if I'm hoping it. That he feels as much love for me as I do for him. He's basically my father," Buck confesses, shaking his head slightly at the thought. "It would probably remind him of his old family's loss. Athena would help him though, she's brave and hard and she'd be his rock that holds him up. He'd live and maybe even grow...He'd just be so disappointed in me."

"You don't know that, Buck," Eddie whispered back, voice breaking when he spoke the mans name.

"Then there's you. You and Christopher," Buck said, finally turning back and looking into Eddie's eyes again. "You're why I can never do it at the end. Why I always step back and force myself to go back to the apartment. Stop myself from being so selfish."

Eddie was stunned and a dozen other things, but mainly confused. He watched as Buck turned and removed himself from his arms in favor of sitting on the cement below them, leaning against the edge that he was just sitting on. He rested his forearms in his raised knees, eyes still distant as though he was still looking at the horizon. The sky was darker now, the sun had finished setting, so Eddie moved as well in hopes of reminding the other man he wasn't alone in this darkness. That he never was.

When the silence gone on too long Eddie spoke, "What do you mean, Buck? Why did we stop you?"

"Because..." Buck paused, eyes fluttering around as if he could find the answer in the sky, "I love you guys and I know that, for some unknown reason, you guys love me too. That Christopher would fall apart if I left him, especially after Shannon. That he would break and it would be my fault and I can't—I know that I love him like a son, even though he isn't mine, but god I love him too much to ever leave. He doesn't deserve that pain, not after everything he's gone through."

Buck leaned even more into Eddie's side as a way to remember that he was really there. Then he turned to look at Eddie's face in the darkness, "You don't either. I think that you would bottle it all up because all you have is Chris, so then you wouldn't allow yourself to care. I know that you'd come to hate me and I—God, I don't want you to ever hate me. To ever regret being my friend or letting me into Chris's life or any of it. I love you too much to let myself be selfish enough to be peaceful if it means that you wouldn't be."

Eddie was crying again but he couldn't care less. He pushed his head so that their foreheads met before speaking, voice strong so the other man would have no choice but to believe him. "I love you more than you could ever imagine, Evan Buckley. I'm never letting you go and you are not alone."

Then he hugged him, strong and tight as if it could piece the broken areas back together again. They stayed hugging each other until the moon was high in the sky and their legs were numb. None of it mattered because they were together again, because Buck wasn't alone. He was safe and loved.

"Come live with us," Eddie whispered when they finally allowed themselves to pull apart. "We miss you and we need you. I need you. So come back and stay this time."

Buck hesitated, unconvinced this proposal wasn't due to these circumstances, and was suddenly guilty for unloading his issues on Eddie. He moved away, ready to protest and apologize, before Eddie pulled him back and this time he kissed him. Eddie grabbed the love of his life in his hands and pressed their lips together, desperate to show that he meant what he said. Swallowing his fears in place of doing whatever it took to remind Buck that he loves him.

Their kiss was soft and sweet, the kiss of two lovers. A kiss of a person who cares about the other person so much they are kind with their lips but strong with the meaning behind it. It's a kiss that Buck has never experienced before because he's never been loved by someone the way that Eddie loves him.

"Stay," Eddie whispered when they finally pulled apart. "Please."

"Of course," Buck whispered back.

The moving process had been easier than Eddie ever expected, almost as if Buck had always had one step out the door. Buck had to pay the landlord two months worth of rent as an apology for leaving so abruptly, but in the end it was worth being fully settled and getting to see Christopher’s face everyday.

The boy had been ecstatic when his father told him the night before about the plan, just like Eddie knew he would and Buck hoped. The guest room was quickly filled and now called Bucks Room. Maddie had been glad about the move to an extent that meant she only knew that something was up. The same went for Hen...and the whole team really.

The truth is that there was still unspoken words between the two men since the night on the roof, but mainly because they were busy with the move. That and because they already knew what that kiss meant. That it meant a promise and a confession and a dozen other words they couldn’t begin to find the words to explain. They could figure out the details of how far they want things to go after they settle down and allow themselves a moment to regather their thoughts. Their feelings were strong enough to wait until both men were in a place in their lives where they were ready to continue it together.

The lives of the three men, two of Diaz decent and one of Buckley, meshed better than ever. Every morning Buck and Eddie would wake up earlier to work on Bucks at home PT then prepare Chris’s breakfast. Then Buck would drop Chris off at school and Eddie at work before heading to his appointments. On the way home he’d stop by the fire house, switching into the passenger seat so he wouldn’t have to drive in pain, then together they’d get Chris. Most nights they’d cook dinner together but on Friday’s they got pizza.

In reality, the only big change from before and now was that Buck slept over more and they had half the amount of gas to pay. The big difference in Eddie’s life is being able to help his son more than ever now that Buck was around to lend some knowledge into the after effects that the tsunami had on them.

Buck had bought gloves so he could do dishes without having to linger with his hands in the water too long, but also so Chris could work to help as well. He helped to get Chris to drink more waters by adding some flavored mixes in then pouring those into a hydro-flask, saving the environment and giving Chris the needed hydration. He was also there every night that Chris woke up from a nightmare, reminding him that he was safe because Buck “didn’t let go, like I promised”.

It seemed to Eddie that his son was more willing to accept the help in his fears of water so long as it was Buck who helped him. A part of him was upset by this, but the larger part was glad that his two boys were helping each other. He knew that most of these fears that were affecting Chris weren’t actually an issue for Buck, that Buck didn’t really have to drink from a flask or use hand sanitizer instead of washing his hands.

However, he’d come to learn quickly that Buck had hated showers as much as his son did. He never even thought to ask, but when Chris asked Buck about it one day he was ashamed at his own lacking observations.

Buck had said, with a shaking voice despite his smile, “Yeah buddy, I’m scared of the bath too. Reminds me of the bad times.”

It was then that Eddie realized why Bucks hair lost its shine- he had been using dry shampoo more often than not. Why he smelt of baby wipes- he had been using those instead of his usual soap. It frustrated him that he had assumed his best friend was practically the same, in terms of mentality at least, after the traumatic events he endured.

He’ll never forget the day that he was in the kitchen (pretending not to listen in) and his son came up to Buck in the living room. He sat down for a moment, playing with his hands nervously, before speaking.

“Hey Buck?”

“Yeah Buddy?”

“Can you...” Chris pauses before taking a deep breath, “I want to try and take a shower now. Do you think...”

Bucks eyes went wide and flickered to Eddie, who was failing at his pretending, “I’ve been thinking about that too. I kinda miss the bubbles and stuff from showers. Do you wanna help me?”

If it hadn’t been for the fact that Eddie’s eyes met Bucks when the man asked the question, or the fact it was Buck, he would’ve normally beaten any grown adult who asked his son to help him in the shower. But he knew that this was a completely innocent proposal all meant for his son, and that this was a large milestone for them both in advancing towards getting better.

So Eddie had helped start the shower and gathered all the needed towels in case either person panicked and changed their minds. Then he helped Chris undress, double checking the boy was okay with doing this until he was literally shut up with a small hand over his mouth. They met Buck, who was down to just his compression underwear, in the bathroom.

If it wasn’t such a nerve wracking moment Eddie was sure he would’ve been drooling over the sight of the other man, like he always had been secretly. Even with the puffy pink scars across his chest and thigh and the old harsh white scars on his leg, Eddie thought that Buck looked flawless. Beautiful and sweet but also so much dirtier. However, he managed to control those thoughts when he saw both of his boys shaking nervously and how pale they both became.

Until Buck smiled that hero smile and clapped his hands, “Alright buddy, let’s do this! As drool worthy all my gorgeous scars are Eddie, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to leave so we can conquer the evil shower head and then celebrate our cleanliness with the ice cream you’re gonna get us.”

Eddie didn’t trust his own voice, especially if it would shatter the false confidence in Bucks, and simply nodded and excused himself (after kissing his son and Buck on the head). While he was away, Buck took over the process smoothly despite his own fears. He got into the shower first, trying to drown his worries in common sense, and immersed himself completely to show Chris it was safe. He was petrified and for a moment shocked still, but then he opened his eyes to find the scared ones of Chris and forced himself to breath again.

Then he smiled. That was all it took to convince Chris that he could be brave like Superman too. So, with the help of Buck, he too stepped into the shower and under the flow of the warm water. He panicked for a bit before he felt the strong hands of his savior on his shoulders while listening to his words of encouragement.

It took slightly longer than average for both of them to be properly clean and calm before they turned off the water and exited, smelling like clean handsome men. Chris had wanted to use his fathers soap since Buck was. Together they dried off and Chris was helped changed into his PJs and sent off to tell his father the good news. In the time alone Buck took a moment to have his own internal celebration before changing out of his wet underwear and into a whole new set of clothes.

When he went back into the living room he was met with the sight of Eddie crying happy tears while twirling his son around like Superman. He took a moment to be blessed while watching them, not wanting to ruin the perfect moment, before he walked in to join them. For the first time in a long time his smile was as pure and genuine as it had ever been as he cheered with them.

“Buck and I smell like men,” Chris giggled as his father set him down, unaware of the fact that his dad was completely distracted by Buck.

“Yeah buddy we—“

Buck was cut off by Eddie grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him into a deep kiss, stealing away any words or thoughts he once had. He could feel a deep blush coming across his neck and up to his whole face, but he didn’t mind seeing as he was getting to kiss Eddie again. When they finally pulled apart, suddenly remembering Chris was watching, they were panting slightly with red swollen lips.

“What was that for?” Buck asked, voice wispy with awe and warmth.

“I love you so much, Evan Buckley,” Eddie said.

It was different than all their other saying of their love for one another. This wasn’t a confession of friendly or familial love but of romantic true love. The way it was said made all the difference (though the kiss was also further confirmation). Buck smiled again and kissed the man softly before speaking.

“I love you too, Eddie Diaz.”

Beside them Chris was smiling wider than if it was Christmas morning, so much that it hurt his cheeks but he didn’t care. All that mattered was his two favorite people in his world are finally in love and he knew life was going to get better from here on out. He knew he was going to be safe because now his family was complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos, I haven’t had the chance to revise and edit any of the chapters yet.   
> Hope you enjoyed! As always feedback is welcome and appreciated.


	5. Glorious Roads Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter! I’ve enjoyed writing for Buddie so much and will most definitely continue to write about them in the future. It’s refreshing to write stories that are short with just the right amount of sweet and sour. This chapter, as promised, is pure fluff (very rate for me) so I hope you enjoy. Feedback is welcome and appreciated!

Months had passed by but the love between the two men got stronger each second of every minute in the day. It was sort of amazing to the 118, who watched the relationship blossom from the sidelines, how little the dynamic between them had changed. How the only true difference since they’ve gotten together is the fact that they’re more open about their affections and their slightly more physically affectionate. Then again the team always knew that the boys were always practically dating without ever realizing it.

The Diaz household was thriving with a familial energy that had never existed before. The second you walked in you could feel the love and unity that came with the three boys together at last. It was a feeling that was warm and sweet, nothing like what Bucks apartment had felt like for so long. Nothing cold or harsh that could lead to dark thoughts that led to roof tops.

The darkness still had a fractured presence in Buck, but it wasn’t as hard to fight anymore. It was drowned out by more reasons to live than simply the love of one man for another. Now Buck was able to have reasons to live, he had things he looked forward to everyday and people he knew loved him. Really loved him, not in the way his old brain would excuse their actions as necessities but now in the truth that they needed him as much as he needed them.

That his sister would one day ask him to walk her down the aisle (he never got that with Doug) or Chimney would ask his blessing. That Hen would want him to be there on the adoption day of her and Karen’s new child, whomever that kid might be. That Bobby did love him like a father would his son, and that he would maybe one day help him prepare for the day that He and Eddie might be wed. Athena would be the godmother to his future children with Eddie someday.

For the first time in years Buck had a future that he looked forward to everyday because he wanted to be around to see it.

This newfound love and appreciation for life and its glories might be why he is okay that he still isn’t at a full enough health to return to full time work. That he’s okay with settling for the simple 9-5 hours that light duty had to offer until he makes his full recovery and can rejoin his team. The hours doing desk work aren’t as dreadful when he can look at the photos of him and Chris or Eddie and Him or all three of them sitting on his desk. When he got to make his boys breakfast in the morning and will get to sit with them for dinner at night.

He had a family to call his own, and god he loved it. Some of the big things were better now, in ways he didn’t realize he was missing. Pumpkin Carving with Chris was better than on his own, his couples costume that he convinced Eddie to wear (it was cowboy themed) felt more fun, and cuddling up with those two boys while watching scary movies made the movies less scary.

Eddie was feeling the rush of joy that came with having Buck to call his own as well. He was no longer guilty about thinking that Buck has been a better co-parent of sorts than Shannon had been for a very long time. He didn’t realize how hard it had been to raise his son on his own until he had someone there everyday to lend a hand. To help hold Chris when he woke from a bad dream, or kiss the scratch to make it feel better, or to help read the other parts of the bedtime stories at night.

He swears his heart nearly bursts every time that he sees Buck with his son. Every reassuring whisper or kiss on the cheek. His heart soared when he would see that bright genuine smile on Bucks face when Chris would walk in the room, whether it be just to join them to watch the tv or because he had a new drawing to show. He was so lucky that the man he loves feels the same amount of joy from his son as he did. 

This was the first year in a very long time that he was happy enough to bring Buck home for thanksgiving. He had no doubts in his mind that Buck was going to be someone in his life forever, someone worth showing his family to as a silent way of saying ‘He is the love of my life, my family, and I want him to meet you’. He was...proud. 

Thanksgiving was better than both men could’ve imagined. Buck had blended in perfectly once he met the large Diaz family, easily wooing all the parents, grandparents, and cousins within minutes. Eddie was relieved that the potential tensions or doubts from his family didn’t last long enough to stick after they saw Buck with Chris and knew what he knew. That those two loved each other.

His grandma was ecstatic that he finally got with Buck, going on and on about how she knew it was only a matter of time before he opened his eyes. Eddie had been nervous for the whole plane ride to Texas and the car ride to his childhood home, but the second that Buck grabbed his hand and squeezed it he knew that no matter what he was going to be okay. What he never knew what just how okay they would be. That was the best thanksgiving the three boys had ever got to experience.

Buck and Christopher’s switch from thanksgiving to Christmas spirit was so quick and hard that it nearly gave Eddie whiplash. The day they woke up after returning home his two boys were already on their feet making a great plan to start prepping for the jolly season. When they sat down for breakfast Buck had showed him their mission plan for the week (since Eddie had work) and he swears he hadn’t been so exited for the holiday since he was a child.

The first day was a mission to go shopping for all the required Christmas tree decorations. The second was for Santa’s Christmas pictures and getting gifts. The third and fourth were dedicated to wrapping presents and setting up their gingerbread houses. The fifth was for setting up the tree and decorating it with Eddie when he got home. That weekend was the most busy part, with plans on Christmas movies and ice skating and looking at Christmas light setups.

If it hadn’t been for their wide smiles and sparkling eyes Eddie would’ve groaned with the fact that this was just the plans for the first week of December. Instead all he could bring himself to do was smile so big it hurt his cheeks and kiss his family while telling them how much he loved them. They did the same in return before continuing breakfast with animated voices and growing excitement.

Friday night had rolled around and the Christmas tree was finally perfected when the young boy let out a small yawn and sadly announced he was ready for bed. Buck picked him up and together they carried the boy to bed like they did most nights, each one tucking him in and wishing him a goodnight. Buck had turned to follow Eddie out before his hand was caught by Chris’s.

“G’night,” he mumbled, “love you, Buck.”

The man smiled, leaning over to kiss the boys forehead and whispering, “I love you too, buddy.”

The action was so seamless that it was as if they’d done this a million times before, but for Eddie this was the first he’d seen it. He was frozen in the hallway when Buck had gently closed the door, eyed wide with awe and love. He could feel his heart hammering away in his chest, which was glowing brighter than their tree, as he looked into the other mans bright blue eyes.

“You alright, Eds?” Buck asked in a whisper, stepping closer to wrap his arm around the stunned mans waist.

“He told you he loved you...”

Buck blushed so bright it could be seen clearly in the dark hallway, “Yeah? He’s said it almost every night I tuck him in. I hope that alright—“

“I love you, mi amor,” Eddie announced before grabbing the other man by his shirt and pulling him forward for a kiss.

The kiss was heated with passion, lips crashing and teeth brushing. Buck, despite his surprise, was quick to give in and open his lips just enough for the other mans tongue to slip in and dance with his own. He was distantly aware of how close they were while stumbling towards their room, hands roaming each other’s clothed bodies and what they couldn’t reach was pressed against the other. It didn’t take long for them to fall in their bed, clothes lost, and get lost in their love for each other.

Everyday from there on was perfect, whether they were doing something festive or sitting on the living room couch watching some random movie. Bucks health had finally reached a point of recovery that his doctor confirmed that he would be well enough to take the test to go back to work again. He was slowly being weaned off his medications, which was the last boost he needed to be at his full potential for the holiday. Before he knew it Christmas Eve had arrived.

The energetic buzzing of anticipation seemed to be coming off of everyone that night. They had just returned home from Bobby and Athenas, where everyone had gotten together to have a mini Christmas since they wouldn’t be able to tomorrow. The team exchanged gifts with one another and they all had a grand meal (courtesy of Bobby and Athenas blessed skills). Maddie had even come with a bag full of gifts meant for her brother, Eddie, and mostly Christopher.

Gifts that Buck tucked away under the tree while Eddie had helped Chris change into his festive pajamas. He sat there a while, knowing that with how long it was taking Chris had probably been too tired and decided to go to sleep, and thought about how lucky he was. How he once believed there was never a chance that he could have this. A family of his own, a boyfriend he loved more than anything along with his son who he saw as his own, to spend a real Christmas with. A house with this family where he could really allow himself to settle down in peace and build rather than sit in the edge ready to leave at a moments notice.

He was so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed his boyfriend approach from behind, one arm wrapping around his waist while the other wrapped around his chest. Buck leaned into the hold just like always and closed his eyes while he smiled. He never imagined this, but then again imagination is never as good as the reality. They silently walked to the bedroom and changed quickly before laying in bed and quickly wrapped around each other again.

“I was totally going to give you a very naughty special Christmas gift tonight,” Buck whispered, lips brushing Eddie’s chest with each word, “but I’m too tired for it to be as good as intended. Looks like you’ll have to wait for Christmas.”

He could hear the smile on Eddie’s face when he responded, “I’m sure it’ll be more than worth the wait, mi amor. It’s probably best we do since Chris will most likely barge in here at some ungodly hour and the last thing we need is to scar him for life.”

Buck chucked as he pressed a small his to Eddie’s chest before moving back and pecking his lips, “Thank you for letting me love you and for loving me back.”

“I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Sure enough only a few hours of dark peaceful sleep went by before they were woken up but a small boy flinging himself over their bodies on the bed, squealing and chanting about Christmas having arrived. They weren’t sure how the boy had managed to do this on his own, but neither of them cared to question it when their eyes fluttered open to seeing that smiling face. Buck swore for a moment he thought he was in heaven because of how happy he felt in that moment.

Christopher practically dragged them down the hall and sat eagerly in front of the tree. Buck shrugged to Eddie whilst smiling, all exhaustion suddenly gone, while the other man shook his head happily before heading to make himself a cup of coffee. While he was doing that he listened as Buck helped separate the gifts for the three of them so that it would be easier to open them. When he came back with two hot coffees in his hand he was greeted with Buck sitting cross cross (just like Chris was) and looking at Eddie with the same level of eagerness as his son.

He handed Buck his coffee before relenting and sitting with them, shaking his head at their childishness (but at least Chris had the excuse of being a child). He took a few sips of his coffee while watching buck grab his poorly wrapped presents to them, nearly shaking with excitement and nervousness. He handed 3 presents to Christopher first, 2 long ones and one short thick one.

The small one was opened first with the help of them both. It quickly revealed a large realistic model of a toy fire truck, bright red and custom made to read “Station 118”. Chris immediately gasped and then cheered, hugging the box to his chest tightly like it was a stuffed bear. Eddie looked at Buck fondly, watching as the mans face was tinted with pink blush, before he helped them move to the next 2.

They opened those simultaneously due to Bucks insistence and found 2 sets of new crutches. Buck opened the box they were in and pulled out the sets before he spoke eagerly,

“I know you already have some but these are special. This first pair lights up when you walk, like hot red and orange flames each time you set them down. And this second pair is—“

“Superman!” Chris finished as he looked closer at the red and blue crutches with the iconic Superman symbol on them.

“Exactly, so that way you’ll always be safe with your Superman like I am with you,” Buck finished, gnawing at his lower lip anxiously, “Do you like them buddy?”

Chris was silent as he looked between his three gifts, then his eyes looked up to meet Bucks before he bursts into tears. His face was quickly red and wet as he cried, snot running down his nose. His head tilted back as he hugged his gifts tightly and cried like a baby. Buck and Eddie quickly panicked, though for different reasons. Buck because he was terrified he’d let Chris down and Eddie because he hadn’t seen his son ever react this way to anything beside his mothers death.

“Woah,” Eddie said as he rushed to his sons side, “What’s wrong, bud? Easy, breath, it’s okay. What’s wrong Chris?”

The boy forced himself to follow his dads breathing commands until he was calm enough to breath, wiping away his tears harshly as he cried his answer. “I just lo-love Bucky s-so mu-uch!” 

Eddie instantly relaxed, heart expanding at the boys heartfelt confession, before he smiled softly and rubbed the boys back soothingly. Buck let out a deep breath of relief before helping remove the gifts from Christopher’s hand so that he can pick the boy up in a big hug. He squeezed him softly, rocking back and forth as he held him, before the kid calmed down enough to blush in embarrassment. Buck simply kissed his cheek and told him that he loved him too.

They all went through their presents to one another as well as from their other family. Buck had found himself with more cologne from his sister and clothes from the team. Eddie had found himself with a watch from Maddie and shoes from the team. He had just finished opening Bucks gift to him, which had been noise canceling headphones (so he would have an escape when triggered by flashbacks), a camera (since he was always taking pictures in his phone), and the promise of what was coming that night. Eddie had given him an official key to the house, a few of his old hoodies that Buck stole so much, as well as a book for “special” deeds that could be cashed in (and reused).

Then Eddie had a final announcement for a gift for the whole house. He pulled out the adoption card for a small black kitten from the local shelter, saying he believed its time for a new addition to their family. An addition they were due to pick up after lunch that day. Christopher squealed loudly as he looked at the picture of the blue eyed kitten, eyes wide with joy.

“What should we name him, Buck?” The boy whispered as he leaned into the older mans side on the couch.

“How about shadow? No, that’s too common.” The man asked. “Or Clark, like Superman. Maybe Logan, like wolverine.”

“Or Hero?” Chris suggested. “Everyone in our family are heroes, so maybe he should be too.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Buddy.”

And so their journey continued to finding their feet on solid ground again, the distant memory of the wave that once knocked it away nowhere in sight.


End file.
